Okay, okay. I just. I have to. Who here has ever left a mammogram appointment feeling like a left-end tackleback after a championship game on the losing team? Yes, I know there’s no such position, but, ladies, you feel me, right? I mean, holy moly, why oh why does this thing exist? Not the mammogram itself, but rather the contraption? And they expect us to subject ourselves to it every year? What in the CDC, HIPAA, HMO universe would approve of something so… crunchy? So acrobatically impossible? I’m sorry, but my lady bits were not made for such torture. And where’s the anesthesiologist?
It’s 4.5 hours after my 4th ever mammogram, and I’m not kidding, I’m still in pain. You think I’m writing this for you, but this is really my post-op therapy. That, and me plotting how I can avoid ever doing this again, and hoping someone out there has the answer (please, have the answer!) Literally had to call out sick for the rest of the day, and I’m the boss. That’s how discombobulated I am.
Maybe because it’s new
Fellas, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, thank God. I’m not saying you likely don’t have your own annual death-trap medical war games disguised as “check-ups”, too. I’m just saying, this one’s pretty dang rough. Maybe because it’s new. New as in, our lower regions are usually the parts getting routinely poked and prodded at the doctor’s office, so I’m a little more accustomed to those sensations. But the ‘stand here, face this way, arm that way, hold your breath, don’t move, stop crying… It’s just a lot. I mean, am I at Kaiser or at boot camp?
If you have a wife, girlfriend, niece, nana, daughter, an ex, a cat, a Cabbage Patch doll, or you know a female person, and you want her to reach the age of 40 and take full advantage of her hard-earned health insurance, be the freak ware! Prepare a warm bath and schedule a spa day, cause trust me — and The Weeknd — homegirl deserves it.
You couldn’t warn me?
Now, to my aunties, sister, cousins, (Mommy gets a pass only because she isn’t with us anymore. Otherwise…), where were you on this one? I’m sorry to call you out on my blog, but y’all knew your girl was going to have to experience this one day, and you just… let me?
That birds and bees talk should really include this device of doom. Love me some technological advancements, but I must say this one still needs some 21st-century adjustments. I just know those Gen Z/Gen Alpha machines currently in R&D will be all puffy clouds that smell like vanilla and hum lullabies. It will ask your permission. Feel warm like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. It will treat you with dignity and respect, or it will unplug itself. It won’t tell you not to move or breathe or blink or restrain you from any other natural human reflex, and then punish you if you accidentally sneeze.
‘Okay, but what does this have to do with my job?’ you ask.
I’ll be honest, folks, I’m not sure how I’ll tie this one back to work. Other than the fact that holding your breath while being squeezed uncomfortably is basically the unofficial onboarding of corporate women everywhere (not shade, just experience). And how we normalize powering through discomfort in the workplace — emotional, physical, professional — as if that’s a badge of honor instead of a red flag. And then there’s the sad reality that even the mammogram tech has clearer communication than some managers I’ve worked with.
Other than that, I got nothing.
Yes, I’m being cheeky, but I have a point
Advocating for your health shouldn’t feel like a radical act, and asking your workplace to support it shouldn’t either. If companies want ‘whole’ employees, they have to stop pretending our bodies and our lives aren’t part of the equation.
You hear me say this a lot: just because things have been done the same way for decades doesn’t mean it’s right—or doesn’t need an upgrade. Hello, mammogram machine.
That’s the vein of my whole business. We don’t fix workplace culture by repeating the same old, same old and expect people to keep giving their all to a system that’s already tired. We fix it by being bold enough to bring in fresh ideas, new practices, and modern ways of leading — not just in theory, but in actual, tangible, out-of-this-world experiments we’re willing to try.
Listen, the quarter is ending. The new year is coming. And I’m not trying to add more to your holiday to-do list. But since it’s the most wonderful time of the year and all… let’s up the ante. At work. With our teams. In the Mammography department. Maybe angels aren’t just for the tops of trees. Maybe they’re also for finally pressing refresh on the things that matter.
(Smile, fam, it’s Christmas!)
A note from Erin: Thank you for being here! If these ideas or perspectives resonate with you, I’d love for you to subscribe or share them with someone you care about. If you’re looking to make a change or when the time feels right, I’m here to help. Check out my “WORK WITH ME” page to explore how we can work together—or swing by my “CONTACT” page to say hello, ask a question, or start a conversation.
