It’s obnoxious when you’re out on a date and the other person—aside from a question sprinkled in every twenty minutes like parsley on a plate—talks nonstop about themselves.
Their mom. Their dog. Their latest hobby. Their former hobby. Their thoughts about their thoughts. Their inability to ask a follow-up question because it would interrupt their I’m-the-only-one-who-matters-here moment.
To be fair, nervous rambling happens. Sometimes it’s even charming. But it’s significantly less charming when your colleague does it. Or your manager. Or the executive running a meeting called “Open Discussion.”
If you’ve ever wondered why your colleagues stopped inviting you to sit with them at lunch, why your team seems to disengage, or why their eyes glaze over once you ‘get going,’ you might be a bad listener.
If that’s you—or someone you know—don’t worry. This is a judgment-free zone and your fast-pass to becoming a more valuable professional, not me putting baby in the corner. I just want to get real about something that’s costing organizations far more than they realize: poor listening. Let’s expose the cost of this habit and explore the art of listening, because it matters at work in ways you probably haven’t considered.
For the Record
Before we get into it, let me put on the record that I’m not saying you’re a bad person. Or your character is weak. Or you’re a subpar leader (well…), so please don’t take this out of context. We all have strengths and weaknesses. For example, there was a time when I was famously known as an overthinker. So much so that a man I dated, who collected stickers with funny sayings on them, bought me one that read “Hold on, let me overthink it.” So I’m not here to throw stones at a glass house. But I do want to acknowledge a theme I discovered regarding this behavior that we tend to underestimate. Let me start with an example.
One Week. Three People. Same Outcome.
One week, I met up with three different people. Different ages. Different personalities. Different relationships to me. One thing in common:
Every conversation somehow became a one-person show. It went something like this…
Them: My life. My opinions. My goals. My coworker. My childhood. My weekend. My favorite sandwich. My thoughts on the sandwich. My toenails…
Me: Cool. Well, I thought maybe we could—
Them: Anyway, my voice. My voice some more…
Me: Right. So something I’ve been thinking about lately—
Them: Funny you mention that because it reminds me of another story about me.
(Hours later)
Me: Well, I’d better get going. Nice seeing you.
Notice I said seeing you because saying “It was great catching up” would’ve been total fiction.
Why It’s So Easy To Miss
The funny thing is, none of these people were rude. At least not intentionally. So if you’re one of the three reading this right now thinking ‘wait, was this me?’ — relax. It was all three of you. Spread the blame evenly, and you can text me in all caps later. I still adore you.
Jokes aside, this is what makes poor listening so difficult to spot. Most people imagine bad listening as obvious interruption, dismissiveness, or hostility. In reality, it often looks like enthusiasm. Like being eager to contribute. Like jumping in with solutions. Or relating every story to your own experience.
You didn’t build a relationship. You delivered a presentation.
Here’s the thing that just needs to be said. Sometimes, poor listening communicates something much louder than words ever could. It communicates:
“I am the only interesting person in this conversation.”
Listen, I’m all for hearing about your life. Truly. Tell me about the promotion. About the move. About the dog who apparently now has a gluten sensitivity and his own Instagram account. What I’m not signing up for is spending two hours in what was advertised as a “let’s connect” meet-up only to discover I’m actually in the front row of your ‘Me Movie’.
The issue isn’t that you talked. The issue is that I never fully got the chance to. That every attempt I made to participate got redirected back to you (or your mom’s neighbor’s kid, whom I’ve never met and frankly didn’t ask you about). And that’s where listening problems become consideration problems. Because my time, my energy, my experiences matter too. Not more than yours. Not less than yours. Alongside yours.
Connection requires two people. If one person leaves knowing everything about you and your latest and greatest, while you leave knowing almost nothing about them and theirs, you didn’t build a relationship. You delivered a presentation.
And while I’m sure it was lovely, had I known in advance that my role was “audience member,” truth is I might have spent my one free afternoon doing laundry.
Five Signs Your Listening Skills Might Need a Tune-Up
To be clear, I’m not saying “bad listeners are villains.” They’re just human. And like any human, bad listeners could use a little help. So, I got you. Here are some signs that your listening skills might need a tune-up:
1. Every question becomes a boomerang.
You ask someone about themselves. Thirty seconds later, the conversation is back to you.
2. You respond before you acknowledge.
Someone shares an idea. You immediately provide advice, correction, or your own story. You skipped the part where they feel heard.
3. You know everything about you and very little about them.
If someone can name your favorite vacation destination, but you couldn’t tell me whether they have siblings, something is off.
4. You’re waiting for your turn instead of listening.
You aren’t hearing. You’re rehearsing your next line.
5. You’re running a monologue disguised as dialogue.
Conversation should feel like tennis—back and forth, both people swinging. Not one person serves for an hour while the other holds a racket they never get to use.
The Workplace Version Is Much More Expensive
Here’s where this gets dangerous. Poor listening isn’t just poor manners; it’s a quietly expensive workplace habit that most organizations totally underestimate.
You see, listening isn’t merely how we collect information. It’s how we communicate value. Think of it this way. If you can’t listen to me, how can you know me? If you don’t know me, how can you understand what matters to me? If you don’t understand what matters to me, how can I trust your decisions, your leadership, or your intentions?
Trust doesn’t disappear all at once. More often, it erodes one interruption (or “me movie”) at a time.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
That erosion doesn’t stay personal. It goes corporate.
The workplace version of this isn’t just someone refusing to grab coffee with you anymore. It’s employees deciding their contribution isn’t needed. It’s the team member who no longer offers ideas. The employee who stops giving upward feedback. The person who says “whatever you think” in meetings because experience has taught them nobody was listening anyway.
That’s why listening isn’t merely about being polite. It’s about whether other people believe there’s room for them in the conversation.
So What Do We Do?
Fortunately, most listening problems don’t require a personality transplant. A few small adjustments can completely change how people experience conversations with you.
Try the Last-Sentence Check
Before jumping in with your response, repeat the speaker’s final point in your own words and ask:
“Did I get that right?”
Simple? Absolutely. But it forces attention, reduces misinterpretation, and signals something surprisingly powerful:
“I’m trying to understand you, not just prepare my next point.”
Build One Pause Into Every Meeting
The fastest thinker isn’t always the deepest thinker.
Before ending a discussion, create one minute of silence for reflection, note-taking, or written comments. You’d be amazed at how many good ideas show up sixty seconds after the loudest voices finish talking. It also creates space for people who process before they speak.
Replace Advice With Curiosity
For one conversation this week, make yourself ask one clarifying question before offering a solution (given a solution is even what they want). Because sometimes people need understanding before they need expertise.
A simple:
“Tell me more about that.”
or
“What makes you say that?”
can do more for a relationship than a perfectly packaged answer. People don’t just want to be helped. They want to be heard.
A Different Way to Think About Listening
We often talk about listening as a communication skill. I think it’s bigger than that. Listening is one of the simplest ways we distribute respect. It influences who feels included, who speaks up, and who quietly decides they’ve got better things to do than compete with the loudest — or ‘only interesting’ — person in the room.
In many workplaces, the problem isn’t that people have nothing to say. It’s that they’ve learned no one is actively listening. And once that happens, the most valuable thing an organization loses isn’t productivity. It’s participation.
What’s an underestimated issue you’re dealing with at work right now? Tell me in the comments — it might be next month’s article.
A note from Erin: Thank you for being here! If these ideas or perspectives resonate with you, I’d love for you to subscribe or share them with someone you care about. If you’re looking to make a change or when the time feels right, I’m here to help. Check out my “WORK WITH ME” page to explore how we can work together—or swing by my “CONTACT” page to say hello, ask a question, or start a conversation.
