“The ability to accurately perceive, interpret, regulate, and respond to emotions, both yours and other people’s, in a way that produces wisdom and not damage.” – Apostle Emmanuel Iren
Someone recently told me they have low EQ.
This was disappointing, to say the least, as that statement was made after an observation I shared about a shift in our dynamic – one they had caused by crossing a boundary – and their response was “I have low EQ…” Hmm, okay, so you’re aware of your shortcomings. Cool-cool, but like —what are you doing about them?
No gracias, my friend, you’rejust being lazy. Not taking accountability. Making excuses. I mean, I could go on.
Having ‘low EQ’ is not a badge of honor. It’s not something you say to be let off the hook, like having low EQ is a diagnosis or an incurable disease. If you’re on a date with someone who mentions that feeling seen and supported, not just adored, is important to them. And your response is “Listen, I’ll buy you whatever you want, but, just gonna be real, I have low EQ.” Do you think you’ll get a second date? For their sake, I hope not.
Or imagine your boss says, ‘I asked you to get this task right, and you still haven’t.’ And your answer is, ‘I know. It’s just — I have low IQ.’ Would that fly? How long would you keep your job once your boss found out you didn’t have the basic intelligence to do it?
Yet somehow, low EQ — not having the basic ability to do relationships well — gets a pass. Not from me. And it shouldn’t be from you either.
If you work with human beings, and you’ve got chromosomes or hormones, this is something that needs attention
It turns out that any, and dare I say all, relationships, whether professional, platonic, or romantic, require emotional intelligence to thrive, to last, to keep people in them. We often list things like communication and trust as top needs in a relationship, and when either one breaks down, the relationship begins to fail. I would take it a step further and say that without knowing how to nurture communication and foster trust, you’re doomed from jump.
Now, can you have relationships without those elements? Of course, people do it all the time. They don’t last long. And I’m not just talking about length. People can be married forever or work alongside each other for years, and get by. I’m talking about the decline of intimacy and connection that communication, trust, and EQ create. The things that actually keep you present and engaged in that dynamic, willing to show up for it whether it’s good, bad, or ‘we’ll see.’
The 5 Love Languages of Corporate
So what does that actually look like in the workplace? Corporate culture consistently speaks the wrong language to the wrong people time and time again. This isn’t your fault, by the way. It’s the whole ‘product of your environment’ thing, but let’s stop giving it a pass anyway, shall we?
Here are the five love languages of corporate, framed as what corporate thinks people need versus what they actually need:
1. Words of Affirmation
What corporate thinks works: The annual performance review. The generic “great job” in a team meeting. The LinkedIn shoutout that tags seventeen people and credits no one specifically.
What people actually need: To be named. Specifically. In the room where it matters. Not “the team did great” — but “this person solved the problem nobody else could name.” And not only because they sacrificed their nights and weekends for a customer issue. Specificity is the language. Vagueness is just noise.
2. Acts of Service
What corporate thinks works: Perks. Free snacks. A ping-pong table. The occasional catered lunch, or bagels and doughnuts on Fridays.
What people actually need: Someone with authority removing an obstacle that’s been in their way for months. A manager who says “let me handle that” and actually does. Someone willing to advocate for a role that doesn’t exist yet — because it should, and their work already proves it. Service in corporate isn’t about amenities. It’s about using your power to make someone else’s work, or someone else’s future, possible.
3. Receiving Gifts
What corporate thinks works: A bonus check once a year if the company hits its number. A gift card during the holidays. A company-branded water bottle that nobody asked for.
What people actually need: Compensation that reflects what they actually do, not just what their job description said when they were hired three years ago. The gift isn’t the gesture. The gift is being paid accurately and on time for work that has quietly expanded beyond what anyone officially acknowledged.
4. Quality Time
What corporate thinks works: All-hands meetings. Town halls where leadership talks for forty-five minutes and opens the floor for questions with five minutes left. One-on-ones that get rescheduled four times and then cancelled.
What people actually need: Undivided, unhurried attention. A one-on-one that happens when it’s scheduled, not rescheduled into oblivion. Someone who blocks 30 minutes and gives you all 30 — phone down, eyes up. Not a favor. Not squeezed in. Protected.
5. Physical Touch
What corporate thinks works: The firm handshake. The shoulder pat after a hard quarter. The awkward side hug at the holiday party.
What people actually need: Presence. Not physical — organizational. Being included in the room. Copied on the email. Invited to the conversation before the decision is made rather than after. In corporate, physical touch is really about proximity to power — access to the people who decide things that affect you.
6: Diplomacy
Yes, friends, a bonus, because you already know I’m extra like that when it comes to these workplace streets. Hear me out. Ever have a disagreement with someone at work? Maybe you’re collaborating cross-functionally and have to rely on someone from a different part of the organization to do something, but they keep dropping the ball or pushing back for no reason at all other than to ruin your day (it seems like it, anyway).
What corporate thinks works: The CC chain. The ‘per my last email.’ The passive-aggressive Slack thread. Or, my favorite, the keyboard gangster. (Playa, please.)
What people actually need: To disagree and still be decent — being inconvenienced isn’t the same as being wronged. And if you’re the one on the receiving end of that attitude: get off of Slack. Pause before letting the rude tone in that message they just fired off trigger you, and instead pick up the phone and talk it out, like two people playing for the same team. Since someone forgot their manners at home, show that keyboard gangster how the professionals get down.
So why does this matter?
Someone just wants you to hear them out. Another just wants you to respect and value them just as much as you want them to respect and value you. A third might want you to give them kudos, acknowledge their accomplishments and contributions at the next team meeting or even up the chain. Someone else might want you to merely come correct when there’s an issue — no ‘freaking around and finding out’.
What do all of these equal? Say it with me, church: HIGH EQ.
Corporate has been speaking a dialect of these languages for decades — and most people have been too polite, too junior, or too afraid to say it isn’t landing. These aren’t soft concepts. They’re the difference between a workforce that’s genuinely engaged and one that’s professionally present, personally checked out, and one bad Tuesday away from flipping on ‘Open to work’.
Imagine an environment where the culture is actually speaking your language. How would you act? Where would you be? What kind of impact could you have if that were your reality?
Think about it.
Wow, right?
A note from Erin: Thank you for being here! If these ideas or perspectives resonate with you, I’d love for you to subscribe or share them with someone you care about. If you’re looking to make a change or when the time feels right, I’m here to help. Check out my “WORK WITH ME” page to explore how we can work together—or swing by my “CONTACT” page to say hello, ask a question, or start a conversation.
